Coping with Chronic Illness During the Holidays
- Meghan Stewart
- Dec 23, 2024
- 6 min read
Updated: Dec 29, 2024
Written by Meghan Stewart, family therapist and registered clinical counsellor in British Columbia
You are not alone.
These feelings are felt by many people who have just been diagnosed or have had a longterm congenital health challenge. This winter season is filled with what is commonly considered a festive, joyous and celebratory time of the year. It seems that in every direction there are messages of how we should join in on the decorating, drinking, shopping and visiting. Sometimes, that is a lot of pressure when you are coping with the challenges of being ill, in pain or anxious about your heath.
Many of us are coping with a lot this season and medical conditions add other layers. It may be recent grief, medical challenges, a difficult diagnosis, fatigue, pain from a procedure, or uncertainty that is your experience. Chronic or recent health challenges can be even more difficult to process and experience during this time.
I've personally experienced intense challenges that come with my congenital heart condition and can relate to others holding these stories. As both a child and an adult, I've found myself in recovery, often sidelined from the joyous celebrations that others take for granted. Whether it was standing and singing with my beloved choir or crafting a snowman with friends, these moments of connection and joy sometimes felt out of reach. Feelings that came with this felt overwhelming and sometimes dark.
The uncertainty of health, intertwined with difficult physical symptoms, creates a whirlwind of emotions that can be overwhelming. Grief, anger, and frustration often settle in, leaving a sense of numbness that can overshadow the holiday spirit. This time of year, which is meant to be filled with love and laughter, becomes a complicated tapestry of longing and heartache. Yet, through it all, I hold on to the hope that one day I will fully embrace these moments, celebrating not just the milestones but the simple joys of life with those I cherish.
There is a delicate balance between taking care of yourself or your child health while still cultivating special memories. Even though health comes first and you may have to change how you celebrate, here are some invitations that may support you in honouring yourself and your family during the holiday season.
This list honors the wisdom of the clients I work with, as they collectively teach me. I am grateful to all the wonderful people who trust me during their moments of vulnerability, sadness, and grief.
Acknowledge your emotions. You are going through something challenging and you may have many different feelings. You might be worried, uncertain, anxious, overwhelmed or sad. You may feel lonely or isolated because you don't feel that others will understand or relate. Each of your family members will process the experience differently and it is helpful to share your emotions.
Create new traditions that don't feel exhausting or overwhelming. Contemplate what it is that you enjoyed about the season. Maybe it was a quiet conversation by the fire or maybe it was dancing until your feet were sore. What is the feeling behind that experience? Can you start a new tradition that would be close to your memories?
Find moments of rest, comfort and grace. It might be challenging for those around you to understand your experience. Your life right now is different that it may have been before. If having a meal with family is something you are missing, find alternatives like video calls or group texts. If it was going outside to sled or hike, maybe finding a beautiful place to sit or have an outdoor bonfire with cozy blankets. Finding ways to be gentle with yourself as you find comfortable ways to connect to yourself, others and the meaningful parts of the holiday.
Stop to feel the small moments. Even though you might be feeling stress from physical or emotional symptoms, try to stop to find the small moments of joy or tenderness. Sometimes the dial of pain and heavy emotions is high and it is hard to find the moments of meaning and hope. Learning to "taste the full moment of the experience" (Pema Chodrin) is a habit that can be difficult to begin, especially when you are coping with pain or fear. Practicing to be still within yourself to find these memories and experiences was sometimes challenging for me. I understand how loud the experience of illness can be, but underneath the loudness is a landscape of other moments. It can even be a loved one's smile, quietly watching a nostalgic movie or sharing a memory of joy.
Give yourself space to be. Make a cozy space to be with yourself. Add candles, tea or photographs to build a sense of comfort. This can be a place where you can listen to your body, cry, feel and be present with yourself. Something that might be useful if this experience is dark or uncomfortable for you, is to use a candle to time your experience. Blow it out when you are done and want to connect with others.
Reach out. It is common to think that your story is difficult for others. Sometimes it feels uncomfortable to reach out and share your truth and experiences. Some of us that have suffered from chronic and lifelong conditions have got the messages from others (doctors, uncomfortable friends and family members) to be "brave" or to move on. For me, this lead to habits of disconnection to not be present with my feelings. Find someone that you know that is resourced enough to be there for you. It could be someone who is a friend, community member, someone you haven't seen in a while or a trusted family member. Reaching out to others is easily said and sometimes very challenging to make that first step. Finding a counsellor is a way to make a bridge for yourself. In British Columbia, there is a registry found here: https://bcacc.ca/counsellors/. Many clients find me this way.
Call a support line or crisis line in your area. The listings are available on the internet for your specific location. This is someone who doesn't know you and can be there to bear witness and honour your experience. For children in Canada, the Kids Help Line is invaluable with accessible counsellors through text and phone. For adults, call or text 211 or call another support line. My website has a list https://www.handstoheart.online/need-help-now?_gl=1*mg5m77*_up*MQ..*_gs*MQ..&gclid=Cj0KCQiA1Km7BhC9ARIsAFZfEIvSntpLCIRkIvNwnOgH-RE4hAbpw6qXAnlS8y7zdX6UTKH6aJOE9fIaAi5_EALw_wcB
Know your body is wise. Our bodies hold our stories. Our bodies heal and tell us when we need to slow down to restore ourselves. During the stress of illness, it is so hard to trust this. We can be focused on what is not healthy when we are worried. What happens if you also try to find evidence of healing? A scrape that is healing or all your healthy organs helping you cope with your health issue or your strong bones are all examples of the wisdom you can connect to in your body.
Learning to let go. I am still learning how to fully unravel what my mind and body have held onto. Here is some wise words from Pema Chodrin, whom, has guided me through difficult storms of my own.
"The key to working with what is so deeply unwanted, is to let go of the ideas, (the thoughts), about how we shouldn’t be sick and what will happen to us if we remain sick. Somehow we have to respect the illness, welcome it, enter into it…we surrender and say, okay, what have you to teach me?…about letting go of control, about slowing down…about tasting the full experience of a moment…the light, the sound, the quality of our mood, of our pain, the sight of dust or birds or nothing special…respecting all that." Pema Chodrin
I am honoured to support children, adults, teens, and their families as they navigate the numerous challenges posed by living with disabilities and health conditions.
Click here to connect to my website to find out more information about mental wellness, coping with chronic or congenital illnesses, processing diagnosis and building resilience through somatic therapeutic support.
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